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Wednesday 6 -
Hesychios, Petter of the Fallen Ox
So what happened was This, Alice Trotchings one day decided to Twist the Torque of Fate, and she put up a Personals ad on nerve.com, one which, to Tell you the Truth, read like this:
| me |
my goods |
my habits |
| I am: |
a woman |
Height: |
5'8" |
Cigarettes: |
sometimes |
| Looking for: |
a man |
Weight: |
140 lbs |
Booze: |
sometimes |
| Interested In: |
friendship
dating
play |
Hair color: |
blonde/lt brown - lt brown/blond |
Drugs: |
never |
| Age: |
29 |
Eye color: |
brown |
Self-love: |
often |
| Location: |
New Orleans, Louisiana |
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Self-deprecation: |
sometimes |
| Area Code: |
504 |
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| Occupation: |
Grad Student |
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| Education: |
grad school |
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| Ethnicity: |
Pale |
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| Star Sign: |
Taurus |
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| Relationship Status: |
Single |
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| you |
your goods |
your habits |
| age: |
27 - 33 |
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| the tip of my iceberg |
Last great book I read:
A photo book - The Body. A book doesn't have to have words does it? Although, I'm currently reading 2 Roland Barthes books - S/Z and the Fashion System - and yeah I know.. neither are as good as Camera Lucida.
Most humbling moment:
Umm....
Favorite on-screen sex scene:
Errr....
Celebrity I resemble most:
Ahhhh...
Best (or worst) lie I've ever told:
Be honest. Most people don't have the guts to be completely honest.
If I could be anywhere at the moment:
Paris. We We.
Song or album that puts me in the mood:
Motown ... motown just makes me want to get down and groove.
The five items I can't live without:
Water, a good pair of jogging shoes, a lens that opens up to 1.7, unemployment compensation, and masking tape or better yet.. gaffers tape, yeah.. gaffers tape.
Fill in the blanks:
speaking is sexy; listening is sexier.
In my bedroom, you'll find:
A fireplace, lots of red candles, and hardwood floors.
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| why you should get to know me |
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Because I might be inspired to show you the uncropped version of the above photo.
But for love of god... don't ask me to be your New Orleans tour guide.. as well as don't ask me where the 'non-touristy' places are in town. Psst.. if you have to ask you are a tourist. Hate to break that to you.
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| more about who I'm looking for |
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Someone who just gets it. Seriously.
If you've ever done or said any of the following you probably don't get it.
1. 'I don't like movies with subtitles.'
2. 'Why travel to Europe there is enough to see in the United States.'
3. You wear a cell phone, pager or both on your belt. Ick.
4. You wear Dockers and consider them nice pants.
Someone who is first and foremost just plain out creative and inspiring, intelligent, witty, funny, and silly.
Someone who remembers who Re-run was and understands The Munsters for the true art form that it was.
Someone with their head on their shoulders but are also crazy in a good way.
You have to be sexy and of course dirty.
Someone who knows how to dress and when to not dress.
Someone who wants to run around the country or Europe with me just because.
Someone with class.
Someone who gets film and photography and art.
Someone who will teach me all their knowledge.
Someone who isn't full of lies and games.
You know who Godard and Wong Kar Wai are. Actually, you have no problem worshiping Wong Kar Wai as a demi god.
Someone with a passion for life, will have a passion for me, and a passion for anything they do in life.
Plus if you are tall have dark brown hair, have an MFA and look a bit like Brian Bell from Weezer that would just soooo help.
But really I'm not picky or anything ;-)
Hmm..??
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And goddamn! Jesse Shepherd was reading the Personals, because he wanted to Get Laid, and he wanted to see who was Available (but shit, really, come on, everybody's aVAILable, it's just a matter of finding out what their Poison is, and then you can have Sex with them, see)! And there Alice was laying it on the Line and Jesse was thinking, y'know, she sounds a lot like me. Yeah, I've been to Europe! I talk about it often 'cause it makes me feel so cool! Sophisticated! Though, as a Weezer Fan, a Munster enthusiast and a Temptations fan and a worshipper of some Hong Kong Movie Dude, I have elements of Lower Culture in my makeup, too, though, he was thinking to himself, I'll bet even ALICE hasn't seen the documentary on the life of the woman who played in Breathless (no, not the remake with Zen Buddhist Hampster-Boy), it's on Jean Seberg, who was crazy and offed herself and the film about her's a pretentious heap of shit but she was also in a movie about Joan of Arc that was a really sucky film as well but Hey! I love Paree! When it Sizzles! When it Drizzles! I don't need Subtitles to watch movies shot there, like the one with Maurice Chevalier and Leslie Caron! While we fuck we'll listen to Jacques Brel! Jacques Brel! I have all his albums, Gallophile that I am, Georges Brassens! (Jesse was getting excited). Juliette Greco! Heard of HER, Alice? Jeanne Moreau! I love her! Seen Jules et Jim on DVD? Whoopee! Jules Massenet. Manon. We're hand-in-hand on the Tuileries and I'm reciting Baudelaire to your gorgeous ass. Or, when in America, Keats, Yeats, all those guys, 'cause I have a goddamn MFA! In Creative Writing! Hell, I'm even a better poet than Kevin McGowin!!! Or Carlos Carrasco, author of They Both Died Near Jersey! Fuck! Shit! Merde! Foutere!
Jesse was going off to himself Big Time. He was thinking YES! I know photography! Cartier-Bresson, he's my favorite, which is why I use a Leica, and I have my own Darkroom, and I use Ilford XP2 Super 400 film in it! B&W! I've read Roland Barthes! Foucault! Derrida! Bataille! I listen to Edith Piaf! I don't have Dockers, I don't own a Cell Phone, and I Get It. Seriously. I'm crazy in a Good Way, I'm creative and just Plain Out Inspiring! With Passion and Art running out the YinYang, Sister.
So!
So Jesse wrote Alice, and explained that he'd Share his Knowledge with her, and that he was the Rabelais of his Generation, and fucking A was she impressed. They made a Decision. Instead of meeting for a glass of 1867 Beaujolais, or even taking off for the Riviera to have Sex, they'd not meet in the Usual Ways (for they were by no stretch of Voltaire's imagination Usual), well, they'd meet at the Courthouse, tomorrow, noon sharp, and Get Married!
And so it was that God had Done it Again, in the aforementioned way, and they moved to Tulsa and lived in an RV and were later involved in a Bitter Divorce, but they reconciled after a Marriage Counselor, a Christian one, suggested they cruise a different person for Sex every single night, and this they did and they were never famous and in fact were self-deluded, high-toned Fools for the way they Carried On; in fact Fools of the Second Plumage, B Sharp B Flat Fools, Fools of the First Pressing, Compendius, Transcendent, architraval fools, graduated in Folly, but y'know what the Fuck?
While their Degrees and their Learning never got their Beautiful Asses anywhere but Working Retail, they knew what was Really Important, and that it wasn't said in English, and never did they mind watching movies with Subtitles. Je'taime Beaucoup, fellas.
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